I have been thinking a lot about going back to work. In a way I really want to, just so I can say I do my part. I am NOT knocking SAHM's in any way. I am a SAHM. I am just saying that I am tired of being told "no, we can't afford it...., I want this....., do you really need that?....., they do not NEED it". Of course ben loves his kids. That's totally a given, BUT.... as everyone can be, he's selfish at times. Were barely staying a float, borrowed A LOT of money from my MIL. So the question I keep asking myself is... should I go back to work?
When does it become my responsibility to help my husband out & take some stress off of him? We have food, water, cable (basic), phones, and a car... yep, we do.... BUT we can't afford the extras & we can't afford my sons B-day party the 10th, and we def can't afford Christmas. I know there are those of you who say "make it happen, pull it out of your ass etc..." Well the problem is that we just can't. We have absolutely no savings, no nest egg, no cushion, and literally nothing left over after paying bills. The $200.00 a month the state of AZ gives me & thinks is enough for food isn't. YES I am grateful, but it's really not near enough. I spend $150-200 a week on food. WOW... so....
Should I go back to work???
I think so, but I do not want to put Lilyana & Wyatt in day care, nor could I afford day care. I am kinda stuck in a sense. I know I could work weekends, and that's ok. But I'd never see Ben. So it's a toss up. I want to do what's best for my family. I want to try very hard to keep us afloat & help. I keep thinking I need the time away from the kids, and home, and I need to feel like something else other than a mommy.
Then why does the thought scare me to death and give me butterflies? UGH!!!