Not sure what to do...

I have been thinking a lot about going back to work. In a way I really want to, just so I can say I do my part. I am NOT knocking SAHM's in any way. I am a SAHM. I am just saying that I am tired of being told "no, we can't afford it...., I want this....., do you really need that?....., they do not NEED it". Of course ben loves his kids. That's totally a given, BUT.... as everyone can be, he's selfish at times. Were barely staying a float, borrowed A LOT of money from my MIL. So the question I keep asking myself is... should I go back to work?

When does it become my responsibility to help my husband out & take some stress off of him? We have food, water, cable (basic), phones, and a car... yep, we do.... BUT we can't afford the extras & we can't afford my sons B-day party the 10th, and we def can't afford Christmas. I know there are those of you who say "make it happen, pull it out of your ass etc..." Well the problem is that we just can't. We have absolutely no savings, no nest egg, no cushion, and literally nothing left over after paying bills. The $200.00 a month the state of AZ gives me & thinks is enough for food isn't. YES I am grateful, but it's really not near enough. I spend $150-200 a week on food. WOW... so....

Should I go back to work???

I think so, but I do not want to put Lilyana & Wyatt in day care, nor could I afford day care. I am kinda stuck in a sense. I know I could work weekends, and that's ok. But I'd never see Ben. So it's a toss up. I want to do what's best for my family. I want to try very hard to keep us afloat & help. I keep thinking I need the time away from the kids, and home, and I need to feel like something else other than a mommy.

Then why does the thought scare me to death and give me butterflies? UGH!!! 

Lily's 1st eggs...

So, I have had the BEST morning with Miss Lilyana Lee. Instead of spending the morning thinking about what I should be doing, could be doing, we made eggs together :) She kept asking to help, so I thought "Why not". I must say that it was a blast. Something I will cherish forever :) The sweetness & willingness to help & please me :) I hope she never looses her sweetness. 

Mixing our eggies 

Adding the milk

putting the cap on

putting the milk away

adding cheese

just a pinch wasn't enough

another good mix

adding our eggie shells to our garden

Wyatt avoided helping!

she put them in the pan all by herself

cleaning up :)

What a great time we had. I honestly loved doing this with her. She felt to proud of herself & kept saying "I'm a big girl, a good girl". Yes Lily Lee... your momma's big helper, and good girl <3

This N That

It's going to be a good day today... I am going to make it be. Woke up with a headache from hell, gritted  my teeth all night. I usually don't do that, it's from stress. What's stressin' me right now? There's not a lot that I can think of unless it's subconciously, which it probably is. That's OK though, a few days in the garden & house work should do the trick. I am happiest in the yard, feeling the dirt between my fingers, pulling weeds, watering. Who needs a psych doc when you have the sound of water :) That is the best therapy! Not to mention my kids digging along beside me. That's awesome too! Or seeing new starts of seeds I planted.... I could go on for ages about it, but I won't. I should add some newer pics of my garden I think. 

This is the fall garden :) Along the fence is my sweet peas. Coming forward is different kinds of cabbages, sweet potatoes, onions, anaheim is still there, strawberries, green onions, & carrots. 

Close up of peas :) 

Pomegranate trees I am starting for my BFF :)

Morning Glory... my birth flower

Tamarindo trees I started from seed

I think so far everything is looking pretty good. I am excited to see what happens through the winter & what we do with the front yard. I have lots of ideas for my Spring garden & I plan on utilizing both front & back yards for fruits & veggies :) 

I desperately need to clean the patio, carport, and both yards. A dirty house & tons of laundry awaits... I will add more later <3

A little slow

But I am back :) I am going to try to post regularly & use my blog more then I do FB. I think FB is great for short updates, but here is where I can get into detail :) I am excited to have my blog again. I am hoping that everyone will enjoy it. No idea what I will be posting about, but my last blog was too damned depressing. YUCK! No more of that, I'm sure there will be varying posts here, but I don't want it to focus so much on the negative, you know?

Well, new pics of the garden to come... I have planted a fall garden... carrots, radicchio, diff cabbages, peas, and I still have sweet potatoes, strawberries, my anaheim pepper, and bell peppers. Of course my fruit trees & grapes are still there, and I have new trees too! Tamarindo & Mango :)

Happy blogging peeps!